


Slow and Steady

by SheWhoWalksUnseen



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Asexual Barry Allen, Asexual Character, Coldflash Bingo 2019, Established Relationship, Fluff and Angst, Implied Sexual Content, Leonard Snart Lives, M/M, Mentions of Background Characters, mentions of acephobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-17
Updated: 2019-02-17
Packaged: 2019-10-29 09:42:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,048
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17805650
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SheWhoWalksUnseen/pseuds/SheWhoWalksUnseen
Summary: It wasn't a big deal.(Except that it was.)





	Slow and Steady

**Author's Note:**

  * For [SophiaCatherine](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SophiaCatherine/gifts).



> I asked for some more specific prompts for my Coldflash Bingo Card and the lovely _SophiaCatherine_ prompted me based off of my "Asexual" square for _"ace Barry falls in love with Len, but is nervous to tell him about his sexuality. Bonus points if Len is great about it in the end...!"_
> 
> Please keep in mind that asexuality is a spectrum, and everyone's experiences are different. I myself am asexual, actually, so I tried to base Barry's somewhat close to mine, while also veering toward some of canon!Barry's experiences as well. This is just one take on what ace!Barry might look like.

It wasn’t a big deal.

Deep down, Barry knew that. After all, they’d already gotten past the whole _how do I ask out a supervillain who isn’t really a supervillain anymore but a hero who travels through time_ ordeal and while that wasn’t an experience he’d like to repeat (listening to his team groan or snicker every time Leonard walked into the same room as him was frustrating, as much as he loved them), that should’ve been the hard part.

Contrary to popular belief, dating Leonard Snart wasn’t as big of a chore as everyone seemed to envision - namely, the members of his team who hadn’t been on-board with the idea in the first place. Sure, Len could be frustrating and getting back from heists and robberies with more bruises than he wanted sometimes wasn’t a perk, but Barry had never gone into anything without an iron will. He was sure Len grew annoyed with certain things _he_ did too, like speeding through dinner or getting called out of dates to stop King Shark terrorizing an aquarium on the other side of the city (and hadn’t that been a weird day).

Falling in love with Len was even easier. The last four months had been the happiest of his life. Iris and Cisco teased him about being on cloud nine every time he walked into the Cortex texting Len, or unsuccessfully suppressed a goofy smile when he thought about a pun Len might’ve used for the new meta of the week’s name instead (which really said something about how deep he’d fallen down the rabbit hole if he was finding things like _I suppose you could say ‘life’s a_ block _of chocolates’_ hilarious).

But Barry couldn’t help it! He hadn’t been in a long term relationship since before the coma, and even in college and high school, his girlfriends and boyfriends hadn’t stuck around for more than a month, at most.

Which brought him back to the issue that…

Well.

Technically, it was what had ended most of his relationships in college. It wasn’t as if he’d known the term back then, after all, or taken the time to really think about _why_ things weren’t working out, but Barry supposed he should’ve guessed something was up when one of his boyfriends, Jack, left not fifteen minutes after he went into the bathroom to clean up and grabbed his clothes.

(“Jack was always an asshole, though,” Iris had reassured him the night he finally found the name for it, finally put all the pieces together and _had_ to tell someone, even if it was a bit awkward to come out again while they were watching a shitty romcom in Joe’s living room. “He kept hitting on me whenever I visited you, remember? That wasn’t your fault.”

Iris was the only one who knew and the first person to offer him a tub of ice cream after a failed date - especially when Barry hadn’t been expected to come home that night. If it weren’t for her, he wasn’t sure what he would’ve done. Maybe stuff his face full of ice cream and mope while watching musicals alone instead.

Which wasn’t much better, but hey, it helped. A little.)

But anyway.

The point was, Barry hadn’t had a long term relationship in ages. Never, really, if he was being honest. And being in one where he was definitely falling in love with that crinkle in Len’s forehead whenever he concentrated on something or the soft curl of his mouth as he teased Barry about his big appetite was a huge deal.

Especially when they hadn’t had sex yet. And Barry was terrified.

Not that Len had pushed anything! Because he hadn’t - if anything, Len’s nonchalance toward the whole idea, even if Barry caught those looks he gave him sometimes and how some of their kisses got a little bit more heated than usual, was a breath of fresh air. Usually, Barry would’ve been forced to confront the issue by the third date or so.

Barry wasn’t scared of Len forcing anything as much as he was dreading a negative reaction at all. Even the distasteful once-overs he’d gotten once from a girlfriend he’d come out to were enough for his gut to sink and Barry didn’t know if it’d be worse if Len said something or nothing at all. The very idea was gnawing on his insides like a parasite squirming around deep in his bones.

In the end, he just said nothing. It was easier. Len didn’t push or prod and Barry didn’t bring it up. It was simpler, less complicated. Besides, Len was off on the Waverider often, so there was no time to sit down and have an awkward conversation about it.

Because it wasn’t a big deal. Really.

(Except that it was.)

 

***

 

Barry was exhausted. Dillon and Scudder had broken out of prison (again) and it was hard enough to fight _one_ rowdy metahuman thief, but two? With little back-up since Caitlin was off visiting her mom and Cisco had a sprained wrist from the last time Scudder had attacked them?

Barry was just lucky he hadn’t gotten thrown into a mirror again. There was nothing fun about getting to see the world through a pane of glass and waiting for your friend to help freeze said mirror so you could phase out of it after several hours.

Thankfully, Barry managed to corner Dillon and it didn’t take long to cuff Scudder once he was good and pissed about his girlfriend being arrested (Barry almost would’ve called it sweet had he not been facing down a murderous metahuman’s wrath). He passed both off to Joe once he arrived and just nodded his thanks before speeding off to the Cortex to change out of his suit. Cisco waved him off when he half-heartedly offered to patrol, which meant he probably looked like a wreck anyway.

He wasn’t complaining about it, though. He _deserved_ a nap after having to chase those two all over the city. Scudder could really move through those mirrors; it was like fighting a ghost at times, trying to catch up to where he’d disappeared and where he was going next.

So it was safe to say Barry hadn’t been expecting the light to be on in his apartment when he phased through the door, too lazy to reach for his key.

Barry froze as he listened to footsteps patter around his kitchen, his hand moving for his phone just in case. The door hadn’t been unlocked when he arrived - or, at least he thought so. Barry checked to confirm that the lock was still in place and frowned as the intruder muttered something under their breath.

Alright. They might’ve broken in through the window, then, or maybe -

“Long day, Flash?” came a familiar, rather amused drawl.

Barry was in the kitchen in moments, a crackle of lightning kicking off his skin as he came to a stop in front of his boyfriend, breathing deep as he used his pocket of time in the Speed Force to check him over for injuries, any sign of harm from his missions with the Legends. There were plates on the table already, multiple heapings of spaghetti on the one meant for Barry and a decent amount adorning Len’s as he reached to put the empty pots in the sink, frozen in time.

He couldn’t help but smile, tracing Len’s smirk with his thumb as he let himself fall out of the Speed Force and back into the momentum of the present. If Len was startled, he gave no indication. Rather, he leaned into the touch almost immediately, eyes flashing up to meet Barry’s with a knowing gleam as he finished putting the pots in hand away.

“You’re back early,” Barry said, his voice coming out a bit breathless from all his running and the deep-set exhaustion clinging to him like a shroud.

Len’s smirk grew and he turned to face Barry fully, closing the gap between them to settle his hands on Barry’s waist. The crisp wintergreen scent that wafted off of him made Barry want to bury his nose in Len’s neck, just breathe him in and hold him for a while. “Finished up rather quick. Our dear Captain thought we could use a little sabbatical for the time being. Even if it was for her own selfish reasons.”

Barry chuckled. He’d never met Sara’s girlfriend, but the way Len described her made it sound as if their situations weren’t far too different from Barry and Len’s, dealing with time travel and all.

Even if Barry was fucking up time more often than he was fixing it.

“Well, I’m glad,” Barry admitted. “I missed you.”

Len pressed a kiss to his lips and Barry hummed, leaning into it as Len stroked smooth circles on his waist through his sweater. It was hard to kiss when Barry was smiling so wide, but Len didn’t appear to mind. There was something both thrilling and grounding in these “welcome home” kisses, unexpectedly familiar in the way they leaned into one another and somehow new and exciting all at once.

Barry chased Len’s lips as the latter pulled away and he definitely didn’t whine when Len turned back to grabbing utensils for dinner. Len shot him a look that didn’t hide his smugness at all - the damn man knew what he was doing to him.

“Food first,” Len said, scooping up the forks and knives and crossing to the table, leaving Barry to huff and follow suit.

“So mean,” Barry groaned. “I hope you know that you’re killing me here.”

“Yes, so cruel,” Len deadpanned. “Giving you food after a long day of rescuing cats from trees and helping old ladies cross the street.”

“That only happened once… Or twice. I guess.”

Len laughed, soft and so carefree that the Barry from years ago, back when they’d first come face-to-face on a train, would never have believed a moment like this could’ve existed. And there was something heartwarming in getting Len to laugh as they ate their pasta, occasionally asking about what went on in Central City or in whatever time period the Legends were directed towards (he was never going to be able to hear anything about Woodstock without snickering again). Barry had always wanted a meal like this, to be able to share a quiet evening in with someone - even if that someone had been Iris for the longest time.

It was ridiculous how sappy Len made him feel. His friends were more than happy to tease him, but it was true.

It’d felt like ages since Barry was this happy.

So, of course, he went and wrecked it all once dinner ended.

They were finishing putting away the dishes - Len insisted on doing them at normal speeds because “there’s no excuse for laziness, Barry” and truthfully, as long as he got to ogle Len’s arms in the soapy water, he was more than fine with that - and what started out as Barry nudging Len while they worked somehow turned into play-fighting with the soapy bubbles. Which turned into teasing kisses and batting soaking wet fingers away from each other’s faces.

Barry used his speed to shake out the soap on his fingers and ignored the tsk from Len as he cupped his boyfriend’s face to give him a proper kiss, satisfied when Len breathed in against his mouth, hands immediately searching for purchase on Barry’s back, running down his spine. It was hard to think for a few hazy moments, pressed against each other and just exploring the other’s mouth like it was the first time they’d kissed all over again. Len’s kisses always made Barry feel that way - dazed but content.

Then Len was pressing him against the counter, his hip knocking against the granite a bit uncomfortably, head tilting to sweep his tongue in further, caging Barry in from the rest of the world in what was both a protective and possessive gesture that Barry might’ve found endearing if his heart suddenly hadn’t begun pounding like a jackhammer in his chest. He debated pushing back to bring up the task at hand, or just gentling the kiss, but when a thigh started to slip between his legs Barry wound up doing neither, his hands flying down to Len’s arms in a death grip.

That must’ve been enough indication that something was wrong - or maybe it was how rigid Barry had gone under his ministrations, or how he’d stopped kissing Len back - because Len was the one to pull away, face carefully blank as his eyes roamed Barry’s face. “You okay?”

Barry swallowed hard, releasing Len’s arms when he realized how tight he was holding him and placing his hands on the counter behind him instead. Something resembling his discomfort seemed to be blatant; Len’s eyes narrowed the more he stared.

“You’re not injured, are you? You said you got into a fight - ”

“No!” Barry flinched at the same time Len did, not having intended to _shout_ the word. Shit. This was not like he’d planned on… Well. He hadn’t _planned_ on doing anything about this but maybe this was a sign. Clearly, they weren’t on the same page. “I’m not, I’m not hurt. It’s not that, I promise, I would’ve said something.”

Len didn’t step away but he looked like he was planning on it, his hands falling back to his sides rather lamely. “Barry, you look like you’re about to bolt. Did something happen?” His voice was calm but Barry wasn’t fooled - Len was almost as tense as he was, growing stiffer by the minute as Barry fidgeted against the counter.

He forced himself to take a deep breath, closing his eyes. “I… This is going to sound stupid.”

“I’m sure it’s not stupid.” There was a gentler edge to his voice now, as if he were trying to placate Barry, which both was and wasn’t a comfort.

“I just - I don’t know if I’m going to explain this well or…” Barry sighed and ran a hand over the back of his neck. It took all of his willpower not to start vibrating due to nerves. He looked away but it wasn’t much easier to find what he was trying to say even without Len’s face staring back expectantly. “It’s not that I don’t want to. Or, I guess, wouldn’t want to if it was just the concept or maybe talking about it - well, maybe not, Iris said I turned redder than Wally when Joe tried to give me that talk - but, uh… It’s not you, I promise. It’s - well - uh, I would - ”

“Barry.”

“Right!” He gripped the hairs at the nape of his neck like they were an anchor and chanced a look back at Len, who, bless him, still looked a little confused and somehow patient in spite of Barry’s rambling. “I… I guess what I’m trying to say is, I don’t want you to blame me for, you know…”

Something unreadable passed over Len’s features. “If you’re not ready, we don’t have to,” the slight tease made Barry want to cringe because that was _not_ quite what he’d meant, “kinda suspected it was your first time, kid, don’t worry.”

“It’s really not,” Barry said with a half-laugh, though it came out more bitter than he wanted. “I’m just - Look, I’m…” He buried his face in his free hand, rubbing his temples as he heard Len step closer, which really didn’t make things better because -

“We don’t have to - ”

“I’m asexual, damn it!”

He really didn’t need to shout that either.

Len stilled in front of him and Barry dropped his hands, feeling a bit silly and embarrassed and annoyed with himself all at the same time. The tension in Len’s body only grew in contrast to Barry’s now drooping shoulders and slumped posture, muscles strained like a deer ready to take flight the moment Barry moved. Sharp blue eyes darted over his face, mouth pulling into a tight line.

Barry didn’t want to hear what Len had to say, memories of sneers and eyes rolling and “you can’t be serious” fluttering to the forefront of his mind, and he knew Len wasn’t like that but he couldn’t help but feel that niggling doubt. His stomach rolled but Barry knew if he ran then this would be over, Len would leave or close himself off and that was the last thing Barry wanted under any circumstances.

“Sorry. I…” Barry swallowed again, then cleared his throat. “I didn’t mean to… This isn’t how I wanted to do this.”

“What does it mean?” He’d never heard Len go so quiet before. Barry met his eyes and while it was hard to tell what he was looking at, there seemed to be a hint of interest behind Len’s gaze that gave him hope.

“It means a lot of things. It’s… It’s different for a lot of people who identify - like those who think of themselves as bi or gay, you know. Um, they don’t usually think of others in...that way. Like, sexually.”

Len’s brow furrowed. “And you don’t.”

Barry nodded. “I’ve had sex before. And, I mean, it was…” Not great. Weird. Made him feel more uncomfortable than he’d ever felt in his life. “It was fine. But I’ve never been attracted to people that way. It’s more of an interest whenever people talk about it, like science, if that makes any sense? I’ll wonder how it works and all but I won’t want to actually try it.”

“You do reckless things in the name of ‘science’ all the time,” Len said, and Barry heard the familiar sardonic note to his voice peek through and he couldn’t help a bark of laughter, mostly out of relief.

“I guess. But not this. I didn’t know there was a word for it for a while but… It’s never felt right.”

Len went silent, looking contemplative rather than frustrated. Barry took it as a good sign, considering how badly _he_ had been handling the situation for the past minute.

He’d been right in assuming Len wouldn’t know the term, though, and somehow that brought him another wave of relief, as if explaining it was an easier way to introduce his boyfriend to the concept. And he wasn’t too surprised - given Len and his sister’s upbringing with Lewis, he would’ve been astounded if either had gotten a real sex talk or been told anything positive about the idea of different orientations and sexualities. The thought made his heart clench just picturing young Len and Lisa growing up at all.

“What about…” Len paused and an uncharacteristic flicker of nervousness, an almost unsteadiness in the way Len held himself, made Barry want to pull him closer. He held back, though; Len needed to process this on his own. “What about us?”

Barry let out a small chuckle and quickly reached out, giving in to the urge to hold on and never let go when Len’s expression started to shutter. “No, no, I didn’t mean that in a bad - this isn’t like that, Len. I still like people. Romantically, I mean. I’m just more into movies and cuddling and waking up to you hogging the covers and not - ”

“Sex,” Len finished, his tone strangely tight.

“Yeah.”

“And you let me do… You let me push myself on you for four months.” _Oh_ , no, he knew that tone, and that was -

“First of all,” Barry squeezed Len’s hands and held them close to his chest so Len couldn’t yank them away, “I didn’t _let_ you do anything. I happen to be really into this kissing thing.” Len’s mouth twitched like he couldn’t help it. “Secondly, the only reason I didn’t say anything was because I was scared. Not of you, but… Well, it’s never exactly gone great when I have to come out about my asexuality. And I figured you wouldn’t be like that, but I just - it was easier to wait. _And_ that was before I fell in love with you, so - ”

Len’s eyes blew a little wider and Barry’s voice faltered as he rewound his words in his head, his face flushing.

Shit. He was full of word vomiting today, wasn’t he?

“I, ah…”

“You love me.”

“Yeah.” Barry swallowed a lump in his throat. “Yeah, I love you.”

Len’s lips parted - it took him a moment to register the barely-there gasp that escaped the man. Not that it mattered, because in the next blink of an eye, somehow faster than Barry could make sense of, Len was in his space again, hands settling on his jaw and this sort of _awed_ gleam in his eyes, fingers not quite settling as if he were unsure where to touch Barry.

Barry opened his mouth to ask what he was doing but Len beat him to it with a breathless murmur of his own. “Say it again.”

His heart fluttered and Barry resisted the temptation to duck his head, hide how red his face had to be. “I love you, Len.”

It was worth it to see Len’s carefully constructed mask break, little by little with every whisper. Barry wondered if anyone had ever said it to him before. He and Lisa didn’t seem like the overly affectionate type of siblings, and what few interactions he’d had with Len’s sister were punctuated more with barbs and sharp teasing than anything else.

Len rarely looked at Barry like this, though, all gentle and wonderstruck, mapping out every inch of Barry’s skin because that was all that mattered. Those fingers flexed, moving down his jaw, thumbing his neck and collarbones with feather-light touches, as if asking permission. Barry wrapped his arms around Len’s waist to tug him closer, a little stunned himself by how unusual Len was acting.

“What’s…” Len licked his lips. “This is alright?”

Barry’s heart swelled. “This is more than alright.”

“And the ‘kissing thing’ you liked?” Definitely more of a tease, but still an uncertain tinge to his voice.

“Kissing is perfect, Len. Believe me, I’d let you know if I wasn’t comfortable.”

Len nodded, though it seemed more of a confirmation for himself and the tension began to seep out of his shoulders. “Good.”

“I’m not fragile,” Barry reminded him. “I can handle a little heat.”

Of course, the _pun_ was what broke through to him. The corners of Len’s mouth curled, slowly but surely, and Barry rolled his eyes when the hands on his neck traced over his Adam’s apple a bit firmer this time even as his heart breathed a silent sigh of relief.

“I don’t doubt that.” The edge of a drawl clung to his words, as if Captain Cold wanted to take a turn. “Though I have a feeling we need to talk about this later.”

“Oh?” Barry smirked. “Why later?”

“Well,” Len ghosted a hand back up and thumbed at Barry’s lower lip, and he involuntarily swallowed at the touch, “I think you mentioned something about a movie.”

Barry laughed, nearly nipping the top of Len’s finger, but his boyfriend probably anticipated it, pulling his hand back as Barry shook his head. That familiar smugness was starting to creep back into Len’s gaze. “A movie sounds perfect. As long as it’s not a romcom.”

“Don’t feel like crying tonight?” Len teased.

“I _know_ were the one who sent Iris those pictures during our last movie,” Barry accused, grumbling as Len pressed a kiss to his neck. “She hasn’t stopped laughing about how blotchy my face got.”

“To be fair, you do cry a lot during them. And it’s funny.”

“They’re _supposed_ to be sad!” Barry defended.

Len chuckled against his skin and the tingle his breath left behind made him shudder. “Whatever you say.”

 

***

 

Barry was close to sleep later that night when they cuddled on the couch, bowls of popcorn long forgotten on the table as Barry snuggled his face into Len’s shoulder, the rest of _Die Hard_ passing in a haze, when he swore he heard a low voice say, “I do too, you know,” near his ear.

And if Barry chose to pretend to be fast asleep and definitely _not_ smile like a giddy teenager…

Well, it wasn’t a big deal.

**Author's Note:**

> Come scream with me (or prompt me) at my DCTV Tumblr @areyouscarletcold. Comments are always appreciated, and have a great day!


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